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The Prosecution: Beth

At times I'm recorded while I’m eating. It's jarring to spot myself on her social media – it feels like a jumpscare.

My best friend of a decade, she, labels herself the “creativity monarch”. It can be amusing for a bit, but it strains our friendship.

She is an extrovert, she feels the need to document everything all the time. When we eat out, she says, “The camera eats first,” and snaps pictures with the flash on, which induces embarrassment. It's unpleasant when other people see her posing or filming – I get secondhand embarrassment. It also frustrates me because meals lose their warmth.

She's not quite an influencer yet, but she is aspiring to become one. She makes video blogs about living in our city, a day in her life, and her styling career. The material is quality, I’ll give her that, but I don’t want to be involved. On occasion I'm captured while I’m eating, or simply tagging along. Later, I appear on her feed afterwards, and it pops up like a surprise: I might be no makeup on, making a strange expression or photographed while eating. It’s uncomfortable.

She also anticipates that I will to record her at inopportune moments. Often I'm in conversation to someone else, or we're simply hanging out in the street. I feel like our friendship has transformed into me being her free crew. She has the means to hire someone if she wanted professional shots. When I brought up my discomfort about the situation, she brushed it off. I've been invited to a couple of brand events, which was nice, but that doesn’t make up for all the time and effort I spend helping her make content.

I appreciate that she has helped me with my career in design, but I resist our friendship to become just a ledger of favours. I don't believe she’s fake or inauthentic, but sometimes it seems that if recording starts, we will start performing in a way that presents a favorable image for her channel.

She will say, “Alright, smile for the camera!” and record me smiling with another. It’s so silly. It's crucial her to understand that our decade-long friendship still has boundaries. I enjoy spending time with her, but I also want to experience it without being recorded, altered, or posted for an audience. I’m not a prop for her online persona.

The Defence: Marielle

I hope Beth to see that the content we produce together can get us an opportunity.

I am passionate about shooting content. It’s not just a pastime; it's integral to who I am. Creating videos and sharing my life online allows me to show my personality and engage with people in novel forms.

I wouldn't label myself as a professional creator yet, but it's savvy to generate income from your interests. I look up to people on social platforms who execute that aesthetic of casual, DIY film-making.

Content creation is my interpretation of engaging with life: noticing the details, posting them with an audience that values the craft behind it. I never intend to make my friend uncomfortable. Bringing her to industry events was my method of sharing opportunities, giving her a chance to experience behind-the-scenes moments that could benefit her professional path too. That’s not blackmail, it’s just being realistic.

I would take her to these events even if she refused to assist me, but I desire her to see what the content we create together can achieve: an opening. I understand not all people enjoys being filmed, but often spontaneity is what makes material genuine. Appearing on video from time to time is an inherent aspect of being my companion. I would delete anything she requested, but she has never asked yet.

I don't demand anyone to be my private videographer, but friends help each other in minor capacities. I thought recording a clip here or there would be enjoyable for Beth. Creativity thrives in collaboration, and having my friend around makes endeavors energetic and enjoyable. I never force her to take part in anything, and I would never deliberately embarrass her. But filming together sometimes is part of how I document our time together.

I value our friendship profoundly and want to avoid content creation to drive a wedge between us. I am ready to compromise: like asking before filming, and steering clear of shots that might make her self-conscious.

This isn’t about control, it's regarding sharing my world while still respecting hers. Obviously making content is not a substitute for real connection: it’s just part of how I live my life and I desire her to be involved in a way that’s enjoyable for each of us.

The Jury: Reader Opinions

Should Marielle stop recording herself and her friend when they are socializing?

Nothing is more uncomfortable than having a companion point a camera at you. I understand that it’s Marielle’s job, but I don’t make friends come to my workplace. Perhaps she can find like-minded creators to create content with. With the uncertain future of technology, human connections are the only thing we have – don’t waste them!
A respondent, 25

When pursuing something as a career, you can’t ask your friends for help repeatedly, even if they have done it before. If Marielle loves shooting, that doesn't imply everyone around her is willing material. She needs to respect her friend's privacy.
Ankit, 26

She may enjoy producing videos and showing off her life publicly, but it isn't for everyone. It was kind she has helped her friend professionally, but she must to hear what Beth wants.
A commenter, 27

It sounds like you value each other, so cling to that and ensure it’s the priority in your friendship. Foster some real experiences, where genuine feelings are preserved, not digital scrapbooks. Even celebrities who seem to reveal their worlds actually have more privacy than it appears.
Sarah, 53

Marielle appears to be neither present nor authentic when she’s with Beth – she's on the job. Each appears unsure as to what’s reasonable. The solution is not found in trying to change one another, but in each establishing clear limits around what is comfortable to them and determining if there is an acceptable compromise.
Barbara, 71

Now You Be the Judge

Consider this question: is Marielle over-exposing their bond?